I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
