wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is Oprah even human
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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