Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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