Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
