There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
