I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
