just tell him i said nine months
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
