do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
