The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
