Sry I called you an 8
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
