I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
