Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They took my balls.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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