So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
