i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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