It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the condom got lost in my hair
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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