what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
