Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
