i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
