All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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