so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
