Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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