WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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