she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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