we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
