your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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