My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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