I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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