I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
