you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
