I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
