His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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