Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize