Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
