left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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