i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
