The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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