This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
