do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
this hospital has no fireball
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
