But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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