whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want to fling myself into the sun
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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