I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
