I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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