Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
