I'm going to jail i love you
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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