If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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