i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize