Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You may now shotgun with the bride
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The power of my boobs compel you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
