5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
