He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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