He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
