you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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