I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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