I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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