Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
