So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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