Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
